“Bits are easy, atoms are dogsht.” — Sun Tzu (probably)*

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Amazon tried to build Skynet for snacks and got margin-rekt by physics.
Buy puts on reality.

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INTRO: THE FUTURE? MORE LIKE FUTURELESS.

Amazon Go was supposed to be the giga-brain “walk in, walk out, get charged, no humans, no lines” revolution.

Instead it became:
“walk in, walk out, get charged months later, technology cries, store closes.”

Imagine burning billions so a camera can detect a banana.
Actually don’t imagine it — Amazon did it for you.

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💸 THE COSTS: JEFF BEZOS SPEEDRUNS POVERTY

To open an Amazon Go store you need:

• 800 cameras
• 4,000 sensors
• 25 supercomputers
• 1 army of remote workers secretly correcting AI mistakes
• a priest to bless the store so the AI doesn’t misidentify a bag of chips as a laptop

Each store cost so much they might as well have gilded the walls with Ethereum.

Amazon wanted to automate retail.
Instead, they automated lighting money on fire.

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🤡 THE TECH: CAN’T TELL A DONUT FROM A WALLET

The AI was supposed to be a god.
In reality it was a dyslexic Roomba with anxiety.

Customers: pick up soda, put it back
AI: “did this man just steal a human child???”

Kids walking around?
System explodes.

Two people swapping items?
Black hole.

Someone wearing a hoodie?
AI panic attack.

This wasn’t “Just Walk Out.”
It was “Just Pray My Receipt Makes Sense.”

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🧍🧟 THE CUSTOMERS: UNSOLVABLE NPC PROBLEM

In software, users follow flows.
In real life, customers behave like GTA NPCs on meth.

• Pick something
• Put it back
• Pick something else
• Wander
• Block cameras
• Hold items for friends
• Hide stuff in pockets
• Touch literally EVERYTHING

AI systems: 🤯
Retail workers: 😐
Bezos: “JUST LET ME SPECULATE ON THE DOWNFALL.”

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🪦 THE BUSINESS MODEL: MARGIN-RUGGED

Amazon thought it invented a money printer.
Turns out the printer printed negative money.

Retail margins already suck.
Add sci-fi surveillance tech and they suck so hard you hit a financial singularity.

They basically built a NASA mission for a convenience store.

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🚗🤖 BONUS: WHY WAYMO, TESLA, AND OPTIMUS ARE ALSO SCREWED

Waymo

Stuck in like 3 cities.
Add snow and the car immediately files for disability.

Tesla Robo-Taxi

Will arrive “next year” every year until the heat death of the universe.

Optimus Robot

Great at dancing.
Totally useless at living.

Because again:
BITS ARE EASY. ATOMS ARE DOGSH*T.

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🎯 CONCLUSION: BUY PUTS ON REALITY, GO SHORT ON TESLA

Amazon Go didn’t fail because Amazon is stupid.
It failed because the physical world is stupid.

If your business touches atoms, congratulations:
you’re competing against entropy, gravity, and human idiocy.
That’s why a Tesla that can’t sell cars is doomed