So today, I made a move that’s sure to shake Wall Street to its core. Are you sitting down? I bought 4 shares of SIRI for the astronomical price of $25.9991 per share. Yep, a whole $100 (give or take a coffee) thrown down in the arena of high finance. Hold your applause.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Wow, what a brave soul.” And you’re right. Some people spend their hundreds on gourmet meals or fancy gadgets, but I? I invest in satellite radio. Why? Because why not throw my money at something that sounds like an upgrade from FM but that I only ever use when my Bluetooth refuses to connect.

But let’s talk about the cool numbers that sealed the deal.

First up, check out that Trailing P/E ratio of 8.09. For the uninitiated, P/E stands for Price-to-Earnings, and a number that low practically screams “hey, at least it’s cheap!” Maybe it’s not Tesla-level exciting, but I’m a value hunter (read: budget investor).

And if you thought that was thrilling, wait for it—Forward P/E: 7.42. It’s like the stock market equivalent of buying cereal on sale and then finding a coupon in the box. Could it get any better? Yes.

Turns out, SIRI is actually paying me to wait with its Forward Annual Dividend Yield of 3.99%. That’s right, a whole extra $4 in dividends for my courage. The champagne will flow.

But here’s the kicker—the master plan. I’m not just throwing $100 around like some rookie. I’ve got dreams, my friends. What I’m really hoping is that SIRI doubles up. Here’s the correct math: If the price of SIRI doubles, each share will be worth around $52. If I sell two shares, I’ll get back $104, which would mean I’ve made back my initial $100 investment (plus a few bucks). And the best part? I’ll still have two free shares left, hanging out in my portfolio forever like a pair of forgotten sunglasses, but in a cool, “I actually planned this” kind of way.

So that’s the goal—turning $100 into a sweet two-for-free stock deal. Will it happen? Who knows. But while I wait, I’ll enjoy that 3.99% dividend yield and refresh the price a few dozen times a day, imagining the glorious day when my $100 becomes a distant memory, and I can say I beat the stock market with pure genius.

Catch you on the next trade—if I haven’t already blown my entire budget.